Say Something
by avintagekiss24
Summary: Michonne is reaching for something. She's scratching and fighting and pulling as hard as she can but, it's not working. Rick's not budging. It's taking a toll, a viscous toll that they'll both have to pay. Say something Rick. Say something.
1. Chapter 1

_**Say Something.**_

 _ **Part One.**_

It's been weeks since she's felt his skin on her skin. It's gotten to the point where she's felt guilty about being so caught up in wanting him so bad. He's struggling, he's hurting, he's literally disappearing in front of them. She's done everything she can think to do to try and keep him afloat since that night. When he grabbed her hand in the bath, she thought maybe, just maybe he'd pull through, slowly, with her help. But that wasn't the case. He's had good days, where the light in his eyes would return, he'd be cognizant of his surroundings, he'd talk to her. But his bad days were… bad. He wouldn't get out of bed, he wouldn't say a word and he would just _stare._ Lost in a fear the only he can navigate. She can't reach him this time and it scares her.

Michonne shifts in her seat as she watches him move around the kitchen. He's having a good day today. He's up, he's showered and he doing the dishes to give her a break. He looks so good. His hair is slicked back, flipping out slightly at the ends. His white t shirt hugs his chest and arms in the most distracting of ways, his jeans riding low on his hips. He turns slightly, his head down as he scrubs Judith's favorite sippy cup, giving her a beautiful view of his side profile. Her dark eyes travel down the ridge of his strong nose and land on those perfect, plump, pink lips of his. She wants those lips all over her frenzied body. She shifts at the thought, her bottom half flooding as memories of their late night love making resurface.

She sighs. It's been _so_ long. She knows she has better things to be concerned about. Rick's mental health for one, Maggie and the baby for two, Daryl being taken for three, but yet here she is, sitting in her kitchen consumed with thoughts of Rick fucking her. On the table, over the couch, from behind, her on top, his hands roaming all over her tight, tense body. She shakes her head, trying to will the thoughts away. This isn't her. This isn't Michonne. Michonne is pragmatic, Michonne is constantly thinking of ways to keep her family safe. She doesn't sit around like a love struck, horny teenager in times of chaos but she feels so disconnected from him. Their once unbreakable bond is gone and she wants it, no, _needs_ it back. She wants the most primal of connections between man and woman. It's been _so_ long.

Michonne stands and treads towards him before her mind can really comprehend that she's moving. She steps up behind him, his back flexing and relaxing as he continues scrubbing and washing. She shoves her hands up into his shirt, her fingers skimming along his warm skin. Rick tenses at first from the sudden contact but leans back into her as she flattens her palms on his chest. She rests her head against his back, closing her eyes as comfort washes over her. _God, it's been so long_. Rick takes a deep breath, feeling a sense of his own comfort as her fingers rub against him. He turns slowly in her arms, his eyes roaming her face as she keeps her eyes closed. He palms her cheek and she nuzzles into him immediately, craving his touch.

She needs him. He knows that. He feels that in this moment. He wants to be better for her, he wants to be strong for her because she has always been strong for him. But the visions, the bad dreams, the thoughts keep him away from her. He doesn't want to hurt her. He doesn't want her to get hurt because of him but deep down he knows he's the only protection she needs. The dreams of her, sprawled out on the ground, covered in blood, her skull bashed open… her eyes wide, staring at him, right at him, as the light leaves them for good haunts him. He closes his eyes, swallowing quickly to keep the bile down. _Stay here, stay with her Rick_ , he screams at himself. _Give her something goddamn it. It's been so long._

He crashes his lips to hers suddenly, cupping her face in his hands as she moans deeply into him. _Finally_. She pulls him into her instinctively, her hands falling from his chest to his hips and waist as he devours her. The kiss gets heated within moments of the initial contact, their lips craving one another's like the body craves food or water. Their moans co-mingle, filling the silent house as he backs her into the kitchen table. It scrapes against the floor from their weight as he pushes his hips into hers before lifting her onto the surface. He leaves her lips to nip frantically at her neck and shoulder as she throws her head back. She wraps her legs around his waist as her fingers dig into his soft curls.

His hips begin rolling into her hers, grinding slowly against her most sensitive of parts through her thin leggings. He rips at her tank top, his fingers itching to feel her full, round, naked breasts, to feel her nipples harden beneath his touch. He discards to fabric to the floor, her bra following soon after. He lays her down softly, a large hand guiding her head back. He then runs his hand down the side of her face, along her long neck and down in between the valley of her beautiful, dark breasts. He leans down, placing soft kisses along her areola, relishing in the sound of her soft grunts and moans. He's ready. His body is ready, his mind, his heart is ready.

He reaches down to free himself from the constraints of his jeans. He pulls her black leggings away, taking a breath as he reveals her nakedness, "You are so beautiful." He murmurs more to himself than to her. She doesn't even quite hear him. Her head is swimming, foggy from desire and want and need.

He pulls back up, ready to take her but stops dead in his tracks, his body tightening in fear. His breath quickens as his blue eyes fill with tears as he stares down at her. She's bloody again. She stares up at him, her cold, dead eyes baring into him, baring into his soul, begging him. _Why? Why Rick? Why couldn't you save me? Why didn't you protect me?_ His mouth drops open tears slide down his cheeks as he stares down at her lifeless, bloody, bashed body.

Michonne stares up at him as his eyes turn to glass. She's losing him. But… but, he was just here! He was just… "Rick," she says softly, grabbing his face with both hands, "What's wrong? What's happening?" She begs. She tries to hold him to her but he pushes her hands away, backing slowly away from her, "Rick," She cries, sitting up, watching him move away from her, "Rick!" She screams, her voice breaking as hot tears begin to flow, "Rick!" She screams again, panic creeping into her voice as she watches him disappear right in front of her again.

He backs into the sink, staring past her now, seeing _him_ , Negan, right behind her. Michonne stares back at him, her face now stained with tears as she whimpers. He's gone. Her Rick is gone again. She can't bring him back. She isn't enough. He looks like he's going to throw up. He can barely touch her, barely look at her. She opened herself up to him. She never thought, especially after Mike and Andre that she could even think about opening up again. She sits completely naked, completely vulnerable in front of him and he can't even look at her. Embarrassment washes through her as she turns her head from him. She covers her bare breasts as best she can, not wanting him to see her. She slinks off the table, grabbing her clothes and runs from the kitchen, runs from him, runs from the shame and rejection to her old room. She slams the door in frustration and anger and pain. She doesn't even make it to the bed. She just collapses to the floor, lost in her own emotions. She cries for Glenn, she cries for herself, she cries for Maggie, she cries for Carl and Judith. She cries for the man she loves.

Michonne cries for hours, hugging herself on the floor in the room, wishing it was Rick holding her instead. But he never comes to her. He slid to the floor in the kitchen, his head in his hands as he sobbed. Carl came for her. He tried to console his father but soon abandoned him when he knew he wasn't getting through. He knocked loudly on the door, begging Michonne to let him in, "Michonne? What is going on? What happened?" She could hear the distress and worry in his voice but she didn't move. She didn't want him to see her all broken apart like he had his father so many times. That wasn't the Michonne he knew. That wasn't the Michonne that he needed to know.

"I'm fine," She croaked, "I'm fine Carl."

"You don't sound fine. Let me in."

"Just," She started, sitting up, wiping at her face, "Just help your dad."

She heard him sigh, "He's talking to himself again. He's not even hearing me."

Her eyes filled with tears again at his words but the need to console Rick had long slipped away. She was tired. She was just so tired. She shrugged back into her tank top and leggings and opened the door to the young man. He rushed her instantly, hugging her tightly, knowing full well that Rick had done something to hurt her. She hung on to him, closed her eyes as Carl did his best to console her. It was nice. Someone consoling her for a change.

That was hours ago. The two now lay on the bed, a sleeping Carl wrapped around her as she stares up at the ceiling. She glances down at him as she smooths his wild, long hair out of his face. That beautiful, almost scar free face. He reminds her so much of his father it scares her almost. Those big blue eyes, his stubbornness, his hard-nosed, gritty outlook on things. He's the spitting image of Rick Grimes. She doesn't want to move, but she glances at the clock on the wall. Gabriel still has Judy. She's probably fussy as all hell as it's almost an hour past her bedtime, but she too has the stubborn Grimes gene and has probably refused to fall asleep for the Father.

Michonne shuffles out from underneath Carl and slips on a hoodie before traipsing quietly through the house. She stops once she reaches the living room, glancing toward the stairs, straining her ears for him. She hears nothing. No pacing, no talking, nothing being thrown around or broken. Maybe he's asleep. Or he could be out walking maybe. A few nights ago, if she hadn't heard him she'd go looking for him. Not tonight. She continues through the house and out the front door into the dark of night, tucking her head into her chest as she moves through the quiet streets. She collects the fussy Judith, apologizing profusely for being late.

"No need to apologize, she is a delight even though she is not very fond of me right now." He chuckles, pinching her fat little foot and wiggling it gently, "I gave her bath, she's got a fresh diaper, and I fed her about twenty minutes ago. She should crash as soon as she hits the pillow."

Michonne smiles at him as Judith grabs a few of her dreads and rests her blonde head on Michonne's chest, "Thank you Gabriel."

Before Michonne enters their home again, the little girl is out like a light. Instead of dropping her off in her crib, Michonne heads back to her bedroom, wanting both of the Grimes children near her. She kicks off her shoes and shuts the door with a soft click before heading back toward the bed. She lays the tiny human beside her protective brother long enough to shed her hoodie, then scoops her back up to her chest as she lays down. She lowers her nose to Judith's head, taking a long, deep whiff of her innocent smell, rubbing her back gently.

"What did he do to you?" Carl asks suddenly, scaring her slightly.

She scoffs a little, rubbing her forehead as she smiles gently, "You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were asleep."

"I was. What did he do?" He asks again, rolling over to his side, watching her as the moon spills into the otherwise dark room. She shouldn't be talking to him about this. It's too adult for him, "You can tell me. I'm not a kid anymore." He says, almost like he's reading her mind. Just like Rick does sometimes.

"He's having a tough time Carl. We've got to be patient with him."

"Patient with him?" He asks, leaning up on his elbow, "That's bullshit."

"Carl." She warns.

"It's bullshit, you know it is." He says more forcefully.

"He's hurting okay? Glenn saved him back in the city, brought him back to you and Lori when he thought you guys were gone. You don't get over losing the very person who saved you. You just don't." She reasons, defending the very man who pushes her away.

"So he gets a monopoly on grief? He gets to hurt people just because he's hurting? That's. Bullshit." Carl accentuates, staring at her intently, "We're all grieving. We all miss Glenn. We all made that deal and we were all there when it happened. You don't see the rest of us going around acting like assholes."

"Carl, that's enough." She warns him again.

"You're defending him?" He asks incredulously, "You are the last person on earth that he should be hurting and you're defending him. You've always been there for him."

"That's what you do when you love someone Carl. You try and scare away their demons when they don't have the strength to." She sighs, "I thought you were okay with this."

"Okay with what? Him being a jerk and not giving a shit about how anybody else feels?"

She sighs, "No. With him and I. You don't… you don't seem fine with it."

"That's not what this is about." He spits angrily, cutting his eye toward her.

"You're angry. You've been angry, even before all of this. You don't talk to me anymore." She stares back at him, "Are you mad at me or something? Do you think our relationship is going to change or-"

"No," Carl cuts her off, mirroring her sigh, "I'm cool with you and dad, I was. I am. I just… I don't want him to hurt you. I don't want him to push you away and make you leave." He drops his head as he wraps his arms around her legs, "I saw him and mom come completely apart. The shitty part is, I remember when they were happy. I remember him making her laugh. He used to make her laugh so much," He smiles sadly as he reminisces, "And then it was like one day, he just stopped trying."

"Maybe she just stopped laughing, Carl. Maybe he tried to make her laugh and she just wasn't." Michonne adds, biting the inside of the corner of her mouth, "She is just as much to blame as he is for what happened between them. It is never one sided and I am really sorry that she made you feel like it was all him. That was not your place, you were a child. You didn't deserve that." She cocks her head to the side, wondering if she's getting through to him, "She should not have put you in the middle, whether intentional or not."

He shrugs, "Yeah, maybe." He pauses for a while, gazing out the window at the moon, "They hated each other. They fought constantly about everything and all I can remember is her screaming at him, why won't you talk to me? Say something. Talk to me." He looks back over at Michonne, his eye glinting in the moonlight, "I never knew what that meant, like, he talked to her all the time. They spoke, they chatted. I didn't get what she wanted him to say."

Michonne swallows, "You get it now?" She asks sadly.

He nods, biting his lip, "I get it now. It pisses me off that he's doing the exact same thing to you. Maybe she deserved it, I don't know, I was too young to know. But what I do know, is that you don't. He's hurting, I get it. He can shut everyone else out if he wants, but you shouldn't do it to you. He needs to fucking say something."

She smiles sadly, dropping her watery eyes down to Judith. She grabs Carl's hand, squeezing it gently, not able to find the words to thank him. He lays back down, draping an arm over Michonne and Judith and gazing back at the moon until his eyes shut again. It takes her while, but Michonne too finds a peaceful sleep, under the glowing moon and with two of the three most important people in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Say Something.**_

 _ **Part Two.**_

The sun peeks in through the thin blinds, dancing across Rick's face, causing him to squint. He's so tired. His eyes ache, his head pounds but he can't sleep. He won't. He can't take those dreams anymore. He blinks slowly as he stares up at the ceiling. Short, fractured images and sounds of her cloud his senses. Her laugh vibrates off the walls. Her wide, toothy smile shines down on him. Those long, beautiful, toned legs wrap around his waist, clinging to him, pulling him closer…

He blinks and she's gone. But this time, she's not just gone in his dreams. Rick reaches out instinctively, half expecting to collide with her knee or thigh. She's gone. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Gone. He's hidden away from her for almost three days, not wanting to meet her disappointed glare. He's embarrassed. He's embarrassed that she's embarrassed, that he made her feel that _strange_. He knew he had fucked up the moment she fled from the kitchen but he was completely frozen in fear. After a few hours of staring at the opposite wall, wondering where it had all went wrong, he dragged his heavy body up into the bathroom, sank to the floor and just cried. He's failing them. Again. He's lost members of his family. Again.

Rick found the strength sometime the next day to pick himself up from the bathroom floor and trudge downstairs. He found the three of them, his family, his reasons for breathing, in the backyard. Carl hung close to Michonne, as protective as ever, as they watched Judith crawl around in the grass. He wanted to join them, wished he could but just the sight of them together, living without him, made his stomach twist again. Maybe they were better off. Maybe they were all better off in a world without Rick Grimes.

It's been so quiet since then. He's barely heard Carl or Michonne moving about the house except for the occasional slam of the front door. Not even a peep from little Judy can be heard these days. He sighs heavily as he rolls over onto his side away from the window, stretching out his hands over her spot. She'd be wrapped around him like a vine any other morning. Her arms and legs intertwined with his as she nuzzled into his chest. Her dark dreads would be splayed all over her pillow, contrasting with the white of the pillowcase. She'd take a deep breath and hum slightly as she exhaled, his skin prickling underneath the warm air. He'd pull her closer, pushing her bare breasts into his chest as he turned into her, his lower half taking stock of the heat between her legs.

He'd kiss her slowly, gently, from her shoulder, down her arm, along her side as his hand stroked her leg. Her lips would curl as a soft moan escaped her. He'd roll over on her and push her into the mattress. Her hands would rush into his thick curls and without her even opening her eyes, she'd welcome his mouth with hers. He'd roll his hips into hers with anticipation, telling her with no words that this was the only place he ever wanted to be. He'd take his time warming her up, loving every little giggle, every gasp, every moan that he earned as his fingers skipped along her smooth skin. When she was ready, and only when she was ready, would he sink into her depths, his eyes fluttering shut as she surrounded him.

God, would he love that woman. He'd keep his pace slow and deep, just to please her inner Goddess. He'd nip at her neck, bite down on her shoulder, pull on that succulent bottom lip just to get her to dig her fingernails into his skin. He'd love her all morning long if he had too. Just to please her. Like that was the sole reason he was put on this earth. To please Michonne. Their moans and grunts would mix and mingle, filling the void of early morning. He'd rest his chin on hers, stealing quick, rough kisses as their bodies reached their peaks...

Rick's eyes slide open as the memory fades away. His body is hard, thick with need, aching for her as she slips away from him once more. He slams his eyes shut, begging to keep her with him. He sits up, burying his face in his hands. _Stay with me, stay with me, stay with me! Please!_ He's too late. Or she's too fast. Either way, the memory is gone, the feelings are gone. She is gone. He slams his fist into the mattress before harshly running his hands through his long, curly hair. He's got to get out here. He's got to get out of this fucking room. She's killing him in here.

He has to talk to her, explain why he's been so cagey, so tense, so distant. That it's him, not her; it's never been her. Then maybe she'll come back. Maybe it'll all go away if she just comes back. Rick showers quickly before shrugging into a white t-shirt and his favorite jeans. He walks out into the hot sun, squinting his eyes as he moves toward the tower where she's holding post, giving Sasha a much needed break. He nods toward Eugene, who stands firm at the gate and is just about to ascend the stairs to her when a sound of… something alerts them all. Rick pulls his colt instinctively as Eugene raises his assault rifle, glancing nervously up at Michonne as she stares down the barrel of her own gun.

"What is that?" Eugene asks as the clomping gets louder.

"A horse. I think it's… I think it's Morgan." Michonne responds, tilting her head slightly, squinting her eyes, "Stop right there!" She yells loudly, returning her eye back to the scope of the gun.

"It's me Michonne, it's Morgan." He calls back calmly, raising his hands in the air as he brings the large animal to halt.

"Anybody with you?"

He shakes his head, "No ma'me, just me."

She nods down toward Eugene, who slings his gun over his shoulder before pulling the gate open. Michonne descends the stairs, catching Rick's eyes for just a moment before she brushes past him, dropping her gaze to the ground. Morgan strides in, stopping the horse before climbing back down to earth once more. Michonne takes the reigns, smiling a little, "Long time no see. Glad to see you."

Morgan returns the smile, his being slightly larger, "Same to you, and you Rick." The two men hug, both equally as relieved as the other to be seeing each other once more, although, they'll never say it out loud. They pull apart and Morgan takes a good look at the three of them. They look beat. They look tired and hungry and defeated. Looks he's not used to seeing them wear, "Any trouble?" Morgan asks, causing Rick to lower his head, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. Michonne glances down the street, Eugene shakes his head quickly before biting his bottom lip, "Everyone alright?" He asks, receiving their silent message loud and clear.

"Glenn didn't make it," Michonne supplies flatly, "They took Daryl."

"They?"

"This guy," Rick adds, "Negan."

Morgan holds up his hand, "I've heard of him. I'm so sorry about Glenn." He reaches out, placing a sturdy hand on Rick's shoulder, "How's Maggie?"

"Not so good. She's at Hilltop, almost lost the baby." Michonne says quietly, "How do you know about Negan?"

Morgan drops his head before glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, "I found a place. Actually, they kinda found us, Carol and I. They call themselves the Kingdom. Rick, you remember the man looking for a horse that afternoon? When we went looking for Carol?"

Rick nods, "The one with the pads of armor."

"Yeah. They have a compound, an old high school. Carol was pretty beat up, they found us in the street, took us in. I would have been back sooner but I wanted to keep an eye on Carol, make sure she healed well. I've told them about this place, about you Rick, and Ezekiel wants to meet. Negan's been harassing them too."

"Carol's alright?" Eugene asks, perking up a bit at the mention of her.

Morgan nods, smiling softly, "She's fine, just fine."

"Ezekiel?" Rick questions, squinting his eyes as he cocks his head, the wheels turning.

"He's the leader there. He's kinda… off, but in a charming way." Morgan chuckles, leaning his weight on his trusty staff.

Rick glances at Michonne, silently asking her what she thinks about this. She bites the inside of her lip, her wheels turning in her head as she glances back at him, "Why does he want to meet? What does he want?"

"He wants to come together, strength in numbers. I've told him all about you two especially and he's intrigued. They could use training in exchange for food and armor. Hell, now we all have a common enemy."

Rick keeps his eyes on Michonne as Morgan speaks, reading her body language as she absorbs his information. She takes a deep breath, moving her eyes around as she contemplates their move. When she locks eyes with him, he's startled almost, not exactly sure how long he had been lost in her, "What are you thinking?" She asks softly, so softly that the words barely make it to him.

Rick shrugs, "Could be worth a shot. We need food, medicine, maybe we could work something out." He shifts his weight again, "Ezekiel might be easier to deal with than Gregory."

"Plus, if they're dealing with Negan, they're in the same shape that we are." She nods slowly, dropping her eyes as she continues to think for a moment, "Yeah. We should go, hear him out. Check on Carol."

"You're welcome to stay a few days as we all work something out. He's really eager to meet you Rick. Good people are hard to find these days." Morgan says, watching his old friend.

Rick rests his hand on his gun, "I'll talk to Spencer and Gabriel about holding this place down for a few days. Sasha and Abraham should come with us."

"Carl too," Morgan adds, "They might have a few kids his age."

Morgan nods, "They do."

Michonne smiles softly at the idea of Carl being able to make some new friends. That kid needs a break from the adult shit. They make a plan to leave in the morning and then split in separate directions. Rick to speak to Spencer, Gabriel, Tara and Aaron, Michonne to Sasha and Abraham. Rick and Michonne reconvene later to confirm their plans, then separate once more. Now that the business is handled, they really don't know what else to say to one another. Whatever courage Rick had to talk to her earlier had quickly disappeared at the sight of her. That hurt. Conversation had always been easiest with Michonne he found. From their late nights on the road, when it was just him and her and Carl. They talked about everything to take their minds off of being hungry, being cold, being tired. Now there was nothing. Their well of words has gone dry.

The next morning comes all too fast. Carl, Michonne, Morgan and Rick pile into the black Charger while Sasha and Abraham occupy the white Lincoln. The drive is long and quiet. No one says a word to each other, each one of them swallowed up in their own universe. Michonne sits in the back seat with Carl, staring out the window as Carl reads a comic. Rick longs for the days where he could reach over and caress her knee and revel in the smile that would spread across her lips. He could still feel her head on his shoulder as they drove, her humming along to one of the many CD's they've amassed during their runs. He'd lace their fingers together and kiss each one of her long digits while breathing in her sweet scent of cocoa butter and soap.

He glances up in the rear view mirror, catching a glimpse of her tight, troubled expression and the happy memories fade away. He sighs heavily as he returns his eyes to the road ahead. He's already in a war at home, how in hell is he supposed to fight another one? _For her, you prick. You fight for her to stop fighting with her. Give her something to be proud of you for. Give her something._ He nods to himself, glancing out of his window at a lone walker as they blow by it. The memory of their night in the barn floats back to him. His conversation with Daryl. _We are the walking dead. We ain't them, man. We ain't them._

"We ain't them." He mumbles so shallowly that no one else in the car catches it.

The ride continues in silence with the exception of Morgan giving directions every now and again. A few hours pass before he sits up a little in his seat, pointing to his right for Rick to turn down the paved road.

"Here we are." Morgan calls as they pull up outside of the large school.

Two guards stand out front as they exit the cars, Morgan heading the pack. After a light talk, they allow them all to enter the premises. They walk through the halls, a bit of nostalgia hitting the adults as they silently reminisce about their high school days. Gus, a guard, follows behind them, eyeing them all as Morgan draws them out to the school yard. Once they hit the threshold of the two green doors, they all halt in their tracks at the sight of a very large, very real tiger. Michonne's eyes widen as it stands, lowering its head and growling lowly at the sight of them.

"Shiva, hush now." The older man calls, his back to his guests.

The large cat calms immediately, sinking back down on its paws, laying its head on his front legs but never taking his golden eyes off of the Alexandrians.

"That's fucking rad." Carl murmurs, transfixed on the animal.

"Carl!" Rick scolds him, elbowing him in his ribs lightly, "Watch your mouth."

The young Grimes scoffs, his eyes wide as he looks up at his father, "That's a freakin' tiger!"

"Ezekiel," Morgan steps out from the crowd, "I brought my friends."

The older man turns, glancing back over his shoulder, a smile gracing his aging, but still handsome face. His dreads are long and silver, draping over his shoulders as he walks toward them, "Ah, welcome to my Kingdom. Morgan has spoken very highly of you all."

Rick lets out a light scoff, mixed with a chuckle as he slowly turns his head toward Michonne. _My Kingdom_. She raises an eyebrow, connecting eyes with Rick before placing them back on the man before them. Rick reaches out toward him, taking his hand and shaking it firmly, "Rick Grimes."

"The powerful leader Rick, it's a pleasure! A real pleasure."

Rick's mouth drops open as he struggles to find words, "Um, yeah, this is um, my boy Carl. Sasha Williams, Abraham Ford."

Ezekiel nods toward them all, extending his hand to each one quickly before turning his full attention on the quiet, stoic Michonne, "And this beautiful specimen?" He takes her hand and raises it to his lips, placing a kiss on the top of it, letting his fingers linger on her skin.

Michonne scoffs loudly, ripping her hand from his grip as she feels the eyes of her group on them, "Don't touch me again or I'll put you on your ass."

"Oh," Ezekiel's smile widens at her tough veneer, "Tough girl. My apologizes young lady, my apologizes."

"Michonne." She grunts between her teeth.

"Miss Michonne. What a beautiful name." He looks her up and down, causing Michonne to shift uncomfortably as she drops her eyes to the ground.

Rick cuts his eyes toward the strange man, anger slowly starting to build at his wandering eye but he clears his throat and takes control of the conversation, "Morgan said you wanted to talk. Make a deal, possibly."

Ezekiel keeps his eyes on Michonne for a second more, only moving them from her when she straightens up, scrunching up her face at him as she scoffs loudly again, "Yes, yes. Morgan says you are all very skilled fighters; we could use some training. We have a, how should I put it, we are in a precarious situation with-"

"Negan, we know about him." Rick cuts him off.

Ezekiel smiles again, although sadly this time, knowing exactly what his new friends have been through at the hands of Negan, "Well then, you know all sides of the precarious situation. Let's not get into the particulars right now, take the day to yourselves, get to know us. We have a big dinner planned for you all tonight and tomorrow, we can talk at length."

Rick nods, dropping his eyes to the large cat once more, "I gotta ask, what's with the tiger?"

"Shiva?" Ezekiel glances behind him, patting his leg, drawing the animal to his side, "I used to be a zookeeper and she," he pats her head before tickling underneath her neck with his long fingers, "Is my favorite girl." He flicks his eyes toward Michonne, who rolls hers before letting out another deep sigh.

"You got a bathroom?" She asks, a hint of annoyance flirting with her stern tone.

"Of course Miss Michonne. Gus will show you."

Michonne is the first to turn away, following Gus back into the school building. Carl jogs up beside her, smirking, "Miss Michonne?"

"Shut up Carl."

He snickers, throwing an arm over her shoulder, "Don't worry, I'll throw him off your tail, I mean trail."

She elbows him harshly, causing the teen to double over in pain, "Ooops, sorry. Didn't see you there."

Rick lags behind the two of them, smiling softly at the exchange between them as they bicker. Truth is, he envied his son, always had when it came to her. Carl was the first one she opened up to, the first one to draw a smile and then a laugh from her. Carl soon become the first person she thought about, cared for, doted on. Even now, when she's utterly broken and confused, Carl can still reach her. He can drag her back toward the surface, make her forget about all of the crap of the day. Rick is thankful for Carl's affection toward her as well. At least one of the Grimes men can still make her smile.

A few hours pass and the Alexandrians have split up to take in their new surroundings. Michonne and Carl stopped by to see Carol first, letting her show them around the premises. Rick hung back with Ezekiel and few of his guards, gathering information on their armory, but secretly wishing he could steal Michonne away. He catches a glimpse of her strolling back through the yard, Carl and Carol in toe. He excuses himself from his conversation and jogs over toward the threesome, Carol erupting in a large smile.

"Rick," She exclaims as they embrace, "God, it's so good to see you."

He leans back, smiling at her softly as he runs his large hand over her hair, "You too kiddo, you too. You feeling okay?"

She nods, smiling still, "They've taken great care of me here, Morgan too, although he's a bit stifling at times." Her smile fades quickly as her eyes bounce back and forth between his, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I should have been there."

Rick shakes his head, closing his eyes as he cocks his head to the side, "Don't do that."

"I should have been there," She says again, glancing back at Michonne and taking her hand as her eyes well with tears, "I let you guys down. I am just as much a part of this family as any of you, I should have-"

"You did what you thought you had to do," Michonne says softly, "Don't blame yourself, please."

Carol nods softly, but still isn't convinced. She looks back at Rick, reading his eyes and his expression like a book she's read a hundred times. She still remembers the fresh faced Rick. He was a grown man but he had a boyish quality to him back then. Now, he's aged. He's weathered, he's worn. The fear he used to wear in his eyes at the beginning is back and that worries her. The fear that Michonne never wore is now written all over her body, and that worries her too. She senses the tension between the two of them, notes all of the eye contact not being made.

She wraps her arms over Carl's shoulder, "Come on kid, let me introduce you to some of the kids around here."

Rick drops his head as they walk off, silently thanking her as Michonne silently curses her. She bites the inside of her lip, unable to tear her eyes away from their retreating forms, "Michonne?" She hears him, but she doesn't respond right away. She used to love the way her name left his lips.

She blinks her eyes a few times before slowly turning them to him, "Yeah?" She asks quietly.

"Can we talk please?" She shifts uncomfortably and he adds quickly, "It doesn't have to be right now, maybe after dinner."

She returns her gaze to the ground, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with his eyes on her, "I don't know Rick."

He lets out a breath, "We should talk, baby." He says lowly, reaching out for her arm. She steps back instinctively and Rick drops his eyes to the ground, letting his hand fall back to his side, obviously hurt by her rejection.

She crosses her arms over her chest protectively, "I can't," She says faintly, urging herself not to cry as her chest begins to tighten, "Not, not right now."

She doesn't even need to speak, he already knows. Just that small gesture, her pulling away from him, gives him all the answers he needs. He looks up quickly, glancing everywhere but at her as he clears his throat and nods his head, "No, yeah, it's uh… yeah, okay. Okay. Alright. I'm, um," She can't even look him in the eye. Fuck, what is happening?

"I just need a little space, that's all." She responds quietly, folding her arms over her chest, "It's just-"

"No it's," He nods quickly, letting out an audible breath through his teeth, "Sorry. I'll um, I'll leave you alone."

Before she can say anything else, he walks away, his stomach dropping to his feet. He rubs at his face as his body fills with panic and fear. He's lost her. Holy hell, he's actually lost her. This hurts worse than Lori. At least Lori's at peace. He doesn't have to look in her eyes and see her disapproval and disappointment anymore. She doesn't have to wear the hurt and pain that he's caused her. At least she's free. He doesn't stop walking until he's out of sight of everyone. He places his palms on the side of the school building, hanging his head, trying to stop the panic attack that is creeping up through every inch of him. A tear streaks down his face but he doesn't wipe it away. He deserves it. He deserves it all.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Say Something.**_

 _ **Part Three.**_

Michonne watches as he walks away, tears shrouding her line of vision. She rolls her eyes as defeat washes through her veins once more. She turns slowly, crossing her arms over her chest as she takes off toward Carol and Carl. Her mind races as she walks, her eyes tunneling as the sound of the busy community drowns away. What in the fuck is happening? Just a few weeks ago, they had everything. They were so close. They had melted into one another it seemed. Now? They aren't even on the same planet anymore. That's an impossible feat to overcome. She walks slowly, not even really paying attention to where she's going until a familiar voice breaks through to her.

"Michonne? You okay?" The dark skinned woman snaps her head toward the owner, Carol, who's perched in the grass off toward a tree. Michonne blinks, then turns her head toward the sound of boys kicking around a soccer ball, "That's Alex, Jeff, and Jimmie." Carol points, "They're just about Carl's age. Seem to all be getting along pretty well."

Michonne nods, biting her lip a little, "Yeah."

"Are you okay?" Carol asks again, wrapping her arms around her knees as she pulls them into her chest.

Michonne keeps her eyes trained on Carl as he stands, hands shoved in his pockets, hat hung low, shielding his eye from the sun as he talks with the guys, "Yeah."

Carol squints her eyes as the stale comment leaves the younger woman's lips, "You don't sound okay. What's going on?"

"Besides the obvious?"

Carol smiles softly but sadly, dropping her head, "Yeah, besides the obvious."

Michonne kicks at random leaves in the grass before turning toward her friend and traipsing toward her. She plops down and lets out a deep breath, unsure of exactly what to say. This relationship is still new. They haven't even really made themselves official to anybody, it's just kinda been obvious. Now she's supposed to spill her guts about it? She doesn't want to make Rick look bad. She doesn't want- she scoffs. _Carl's right, you are always defending him. Even when he's killing you, you're making excuses for him._

"Everything okay with Rick?" Carol asks softly, tilting her head as she gazes at Michonne.

Michonne makes eye contact with her and can't stop the small smile that forms, "How did you know?"

Carol shrugs, "I was a mom, I just know."

Michonne laughs a little but it dies just as quickly as it came. She cringes as Carol's words sink in. I was a mom. So was I. Was, "You're still a mom." She whispers, "Just because she isn't here anymore doesn't mean that you aren't."

Carol shrugs again, glancing back over at the boys, "I suppose. You gonna tell me what's going on between you and Rick or are you going to stall some more?"

She shakes her head, a smirk crossing her lips at Carol's directness, "I don't know," Michonne starts, dropping her eyes to her hands and fingers, "He's just… I'm…" She laughs a little at her pathetic attempt to articulate their current situation, "I don't even know anymore."

Carol eyes her carefully, tilting her head slightly as her eyes move around the young woman's face, "You know, I saw Rick and Lori together for a few months before she died. They were broken, you could tell right off, even before he found out about the whole Shane thing. They just didn't, click, you know? It was like he was always three pages ahead or behind her in this book of life." She lets her words trail off in the wind as she scans the yard, people buzzing around them like they weren't even there, "And then when he lost her, he was so… devastated. He was so lost. Even after everything she'd put him through, all of the doubts she put in his head, he was completely, utterly devastated over losing her. I think that was about the time you showed up."

"I'd catch him staring off into space, like he saw somebody." Michonne agrees, nodding her head slowly.

"Point is; Rick is an emotional man. He takes things so personally even when he shouldn't, even when it has really nothing to do with him. You just have to give him time to work through it on his own."

Michonne scoffs a little, "That's what I've been telling myself but how fair is that? Really? We're all just supposed to wait around for him to come to his senses? What am I supposed to do about my pain? Who am I supposed to talk to, hmm?" Her tone is harsh as the anger finally begins to spill over.

"You can talk to whoever you want."

"I don't want to talk to just anybody. I want to talk to him, I want to cry to him. I want him to listen to me, and tell me that everything is going to be okay. That we're going to get through it."

Carol nods, reaching out to rest her hand on Michonne's shoulder, "You just have to be strong."

Her words send Michonne right over the edge. She jerks away from her, standing quickly to her feet, "I don't want to be strong anymore! I don't want to be the one who picks everybody up every goddamn time we get knocked down!"

"I didn't say that," Carol starts.

"I had to fucking carry Mike and Terry's pathetic asses around for months and for what? For what? All they managed to do was get my baby killed!"

Carol's mouth drops open at the sudden admission. Her eyes widen as she stares up at Michonne, finally realizing why her wall was built so high, "Oh Michonne."

"Don't," she spits, "Just… just forget it." She mumbles as she walks off, leaving a stunned Carol behind.

Carl watches quietly, his jaw tight as he follows Michonne across the yard with his eyes before she disappears back inside the school. He links eyes with Carol but drops his head and turns back toward the rest of the kids, suddenly a lot less interested in their soccer game. Hours pass. The Alexandrians are spread all throughout the campus, Rick with Ezekiel, Abe and Sasha with the guards, Carl retired to his room for a snack and a nap, and Carol wandering around trying to find Michonne. She gives up on her quest as she happens upon Rick and Ezekiel, going over the Kingdom's successful vegetable growth.

"Sorry to interrupt," She smiles widely as she traipses toward the two men, putting on her good little housewife routine, "Ezekiel, you wouldn't mind if I borrow Rick for a while, would you?"

"Not in the slightest." He smiles earnestly, tapping Rick on his shoulder softly before heading off in the opposite direction.

"You've been here all day and I feel like I haven't seen you at all." She starts, smiling again.

"I'm sorry, I got caught up with things. You okay?"

She nods encouragingly, "I'm fine but I can think of someone who's not."

Rick squints as worry takes over his face, "Is Carl okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. I think he's just taking a nap, but Michonne certainly has been MIA for the past few hours. That's strange, don't you think?"

He shifts his weight nervously, resting his hands on his hips as he drops his eyes, "Maybe she's just tired or something." His southern draw low and gritty.

"Tired of what?" Carol asks, tilting her head again.

He shrugs, knowing exactly what she's getting at, "I don't know. She's just tired."

"She needs to talk to someone. She needs to be comforted, she needs something that only you can give her." She watches him as he bites at his lip, listening to her intently, "I've watched you look her up and down for a year now, you finally have the chance to touch her and you won't?" She chuckles a little, to try and lighten the mood but fails miserably, "What is going on with you two?"

He shrugs again before turning his head to the side, "It's not, I don't know. I fucked up, I'm fucked up."

"Rick,"

"Carol, please." He holds out his hands, backing away from her slightly, "She needs some space. I fucked up, I tried to talk to her today and she didn't want to hear it. She just needs some space from me right now."

Carol shakes her head quickly, "Space is the last thing in the world she needs right now Rick. I know it's been hard, I wasn't there but, I know it wasn't easy. I know it hasn't been easy." Her voice is low and quiet.

"You don't know." Rick states firmly, staring at her for the first time since they started talking, "I'm sorry but you don't know."

"You're right," She agrees, "I don't know. I don't have to live with the visions and memories that you guys have to but I do know that you are not the only one that is dealing with this. Grief is sometimes the best thing that two people could go through together. Don't shut her out." She smiles again softly, stepping toward him and resting her palm on his cheek, "You are just a man Rick. Don't let anyone try and tell you any different. The God complex is what kills you, not being human."

"Maybe she'll talk to you." He whispers, "You're good at this stuff."

"She doesn't want to talk to me. She wants to talk to you."

"Yeah," He says slowly, dragging out the word as he lifts his eyes to hers once more, "I don't think so anymore." He backs away from her again, letting out a deep sigh as he turns, "I don't think so."

She thought she had him. She taps her fingers on her hips as she watches him walk away, biting the inside of her cheek as she curses his stubborn persona. No wonder Michonne is so frustrated. This isn't going to end like this. Carol will see to it. She heads off again, restarting her quest to find Michonne. That was the one thing that her husband tried to beat out of her, her tenacity. Obviously, that approach didn't work out so well. She walks up and down the campus, asking people if they've seen the dread locked samurai until one of the guards points her toward the front doors. There she sits on the curb, head hung low as she rests her elbows on her knees, deep in thought.

"Now, I'm going to talk and you are going to listen and then if you want, you can storm off again, alright?" Carol informs her as she plops down on the curb next to her, "I was not a big fan of the notion of you and Rick long before you two even thought about getting together. I saw the way he looked at you, the way he constantly had to get your opinion on things, your validation. I didn't like it. I thought it would be dangerous because as the leader, you need to be certain of what you are going to do and take no guff. He was like that when we first got to the prison. He didn't take any shit. He even told us that this wasn't a democracy anymore. Then you came along and by the time we got to Alexandria, he was a goner and you know it, don't lie." She bumps shoulders with the younger woman, laughing just a bit as Michonne lets out the smallest of smiles, "It wasn't that I didn't like _you_. It was the fact that he would do anything, regardless of what it was to make you happy."

"That is not true." Michonne cuts in, shaking her head.

"Yes, it is. You wanted Alexandria, not him. You wanted to stay, not him. You wanted to abide by their rules, not Rick. I certainly didn't want to either, I thought they were incredibly naïve. That's why I talked him and Daryl into keeping that stupid plan of ours to ourselves because I knew that you'd be able to talk Rick out of it. He knew it too. Hell, everybody knew it except for you. I didn't get it at first. I didn't know why he was so eager to please you besides getting into your pants, but then it dawned on me. He never got that from Lori, that sense of triumph, I guess. That sense of feeling like a man, being proud of what he's accomplished, having someone be proud of him. Rick needs that. He needs to make someone happy to feel good about himself. He likes to be the white knight. He likes to help people, that why he was a cop."

"So what are you saying?" Michonne finally asks, turning her head toward Carol, shrugging, "What are you saying Carol?"

Carol grabs Michonne's hands in hers, "I'm saying that he needs you. He needs you more than you realize. I think he needs you more than even he realizes. I'm saying that his need for you is deep and all-encompassing for him. He can finally relax. He has a partner, not a burden with you. But that need can kill you. I was there, I was in that place but I let it kill me. You don't have too."

Michonne shakes her head, her eyes filling with tears as she glances up into the sky, "I feel so guilty. I feel like I can't say anything because it's so trivial. He's dealing with something, I don't know, but I'm going to trouble him with the fact that I want to fuck? That's stupid."

"It's not stupid. Every woman needs to be touched, to be loved Michonne and you have every right to ask for that."

"It's childish."

"It's life. We may not be teenagers anymore but our hormones still run the show."

Michonne chuckles, "That's what started this whole mess. We were in the kitchen and I just wanted him to see me. I needed him so bad and we were just about to… I was completely naked underneath him and he just faded away. He got that look in his eye, like he was gonna puke. He backed away from me as quickly as he could and he was just gone. It was like I wasn't even in the room anymore. I was humiliated. Ever since then we've just, it's like we're roommates that hate each other. Carl is even picking up on it but you know him, he's so quick to blame Rick for everything."

Carol shrugs, smiling at the thought, "He's a teenager, that's what they do. I'm glad that's the only thing we have to worry about with Carl. Especially after everything that kid has been through."

"True, that is very true." Their words fall away and sit in the silence for a while, hand still linked together as they both contemplate their next moves, "I haven't told Rick about Andre yet."

"Have you told anyone?"

"Just Carl a long time ago. Now you."

"That's a lot to carry around all by yourself sunshine," Carol whispers, tightening her grip on Michonne's hands, "You don't trust him with that information?"

"It's not that I don't trust him it's just, it's mine, you know? Andre was mine and I want to keep him mine."

Carol lowers her head to Michonne's shoulder, "I get it. I wished for a long time after Sophia that it hadn't happened in front of everyone. Mom's aren't good with sharing their babies."

"Yeah. Plus it's just one more thing for him to carry around too. I can't do that to him."

"Why not? That's the point of being in a relationship, so you can support one another. Help carry each other's baggage."

"That's the thing, he won't let me carry his baggage. He won't even tell me about it." Michonne drops her head again, scrapping her feet against the concrete, "You know, he still hasn't told me the whole Lori/Shane story. I only know because Carl told me, which is totally inappropriate I might add. A kid shouldn't have to know that his baby sister, might not fully be his baby sister. He hasn't talked to me about killing Shane, he hasn't told Lori's death, nothing. I have no idea what's going through his head right now. He just will not talk about it. But he expects me to put him back together."

Carol lets out a breath, "Honey, I think you're the one expecting yourself to put him back together. You can't help it, it's your way."

Michonne rolls her eyes, "Yeah, maybe. I just want him to know that I'm here but I need something, anything from him to tell me that he's here. You know? Something."

"Don't tell me," Carol laughs, "Goddamn it, one of you needs to talk to the other one. Here I was thinking that Rick was being the stubborn one."

Michonne glances over at her, sitting up just a bit, "You spoke to Rick?" Carol nods, "What did he say?"

"I'm not telling." Carol answers, throwing her hands up in the air, "The only way you're going to find out is if you go and talk to him yourself. I think he'd enjoy hearing your voice right about now anyway."

Michonne laughs earnestly, leaning back a little, "Oh, I see what this is."

"Why, what ever do you mean dear?" Carol smiles widely, batting her eyes innocently.

"I am not Daryl okay? You can bat those eyes all you want too; I don't fall for all that mess." The mention of his name dampens the mood. Michonne glances over at Carol quickly before averting her eyes, "I'm sure he's fine. Daryl can take care of himself. We're gonna get him back, I promise you. We just need to get our heads clear, figure out a plan. That's half the reason we're here."

Carol believes her, wholeheartedly, "I know. I know."

"So, you like it here or?" Michonne asks, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, I mean, it's no Alexandria. I miss my house; I miss you guys but it's nice here. They're not violent, not that we are or were without provocation, but,"

"It's okay." Michonne laughs, "We're killers, you can't sugar coat it. It's not for everybody."

"I don't know what changed but I just can't do it anymore." Carol says lightly as she tries to recall the exact moment when the switch flipped, "Fucking Morgan and his hippy ass is getting to me too. All that life is precious nonsense."

"Oh God, don't tell me you believe that crap too now?"

"Oh hell no," Carol scoffs, pushing Michonne lightly as they laugh, "Some people deserve to die, I still believe that, but if I don't have to be the one to end it for them, I don't want to."

Michonne smirks, "Fair enough."

Carol taps Michonne lightly on the thigh before tilting her head and smiling once more, "Thank you for telling me about Andre."

"It's not a secret." Michonne laughs.

"Yeah but when people like you share things so personal, it means something." Carol stands after a moment and leans over to plant a kiss on the top of Michonne's head, "Rick can handle it if you do decide to tell him about Andre. And, it might hurt his feelings a little but you need to tell him everything that you told me and more. Stand up for yourself but only after you've thought everything through, okay? I believe in you two even if you guys don't right now."

Carol turns to walk away, but stops when Michonne speaks up, "Thanks Carol, that was… I needed that. I don't know if you just pulled it out of your ass but, I got your point."

"Well, at least one of you did." Carol answers, smiling widely before heading back inside, "Hey," She calls behind her.

"Yeah?"

"That Negan prick is going down. That is one mother fucker that deserves a slow torture and I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Michonne smiles again, shaking her head as she laughs and the doors close loudly behind the older woman, "I gotta get new friends."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Say Something.**_

 _ **Part Four.**_

Dinner is long and boring. Rick barely eats, he can't really. His stomach has been tied up in knots since his few words with Michonne. He just pushes his food around his plate, the people around him fading in and out as he connects and disconnects. Michonne eats slowly, flicking her eyes toward him every so often as he sits quietly. She takes a drink of her water, shifting her eyes between everyone at their table in the large cafeteria. They don't even seem to notice that anything is wrong with him. They just laugh and talk, without a care in the world. They don't see him like she sees him. That makes her uneasy. She wants to be the only one to see him but at the same time she doesn't. She can't. It's killing her.

He knows that she can see him, that's why he needs her. But he's suffocating her. He's leaning so hard, squeezing so hard that she can't breathe. What makes it worse is that she doesn't know what she's fighting. He won't let her in. He wants her to fix him, but he won't tell her why, he won't give her the glue to piece him back together. She can't do it anymore. She wants to be seen herself. If even just for a minute, for a second, just see me! That's what she wanted that day in the kitchen, even if it was purely physical. She just wanted to be seen by him. Wanted him, Rick, to acknowledge her. Nobody but Carl sees her and sometimes that just isn't enough.

She finishes her meal although feeling nauseous, not wanting to waste the only commodity that is so hard to come by these days. She excuses herself a few minutes later, squeezing Carl's shoulder to assure him that she's okay. He watches as she leaves the cafeteria, then glances back at his father who sits on the other side of the table, a few seats down. He can't take it anymore. He stands and walks toward his dad, tapping him on the shoulder before heading toward the double doors. He leans against the lockers in the hallway as Rick approaches, "What's wrong?"

"You need to say something to her." Carl starts, looking his dad square in the eye, "I love you dad. I hate being so pissed off at you but I love her too. You cannot keep doing this her. Say something, anything, please." He watches as his dad drops his head, unsure of what exactly to do, "Michonne is the only mother that Judy is going to have," Carl pauses, swallowing harshly as he fights back his own emotion, "She's the only mother that I want to have."

Rick raises his head to look at his son. His boy. His beautiful boy. It's not that simple though, "Carl," He starts, sighing deeply, "It's not the easy son."

"The hell it's not dad!" Carl screams back, "God, you didn't learn anything from mom screaming at you every night? All she wanted you to do was speak. Now, you're in the exact same situation and your ignoring it again. If you wanna be alone your whole life, fine, but don't push her out of Judith's and my life too. That's not fair."

Rick bites the inside of his cheek as he drops his eyes from Carl's, thoroughly embarrassed but insanely proud of Carl. He never really realized just how aware Carl was of his surroundings. He's not a kid anymore, "You're fourteen years old, how are you gonna tell me about women?" He chuckles lightly, glancing down the hall before he takes in his son again.

Carl shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets, "I don't know women, I just know you."

Rick stares back at him in disbelief as his son's words wash over him. _Woah._ He pulls the younger Grimes into him, hugging him tighter than he thinks he ever has before, "I'll fix it, I promise."

They pull apart but Rick continues to gaze at Carl, wondering how and when he got so damn grown. He turns after a moment and heads toward the classrooms that now double as bedrooms. _I'll fix it, I promise_. He stops at her door, dropping his head before trying the handle. He pushes through the threshold, shutting it quietly as he spots her at the window. She's usually acutely aware of her surroundings, noticing every sound around her but tonight is different. She doesn't even know he's there.

She stands with her back to him in her brown boyshort underwear. She pulls her shirt away from her body, then reaches back to unclasp her flower patterned bra. She discards the material to the ground and rolls her shoulders before lifting her arms above her head. Rick's eyes drink her in hungrily as her muscles flex and stretch. She turns slightly, her dreads dangling over her shoulder as she reveals the side of her beautiful, full breast. He feels a stir deep within him, just as he did that day in the kitchen. Just as he did when she found them after the prison fell. Just as he did when he first saw her at the fence.

He doesn't want to scare her. She's already got her defenses up, shielding her body from his touch, an unwanted advance could drive her away for good. He watches as she slips into his favorite denim shirt, taking her time as she buttons it up. He lets out an unsteady breath as she brings the sleeve up to her nose, breathing in the scent. Breathing in _his_ scent. She still needs him. "Michonne," he says in between a heavy breath.

She jumps slightly, clutching her chest as she whips around to face him, "God Rick, shit."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

She raises her hand to stop him, shaking her head as she calms her nerves, "It's alright. What's up? Something happen?"

He shakes his head, "No. This isn't business, this is us. We need to talk about us."

She drops her head, shaking it again, "Rick I don't-"

"You don't have to talk, okay? Just please let me explain and then I'll leave you alone, for good if that's what you want." She doesn't answer right away. She plays with a button in the middle of his shirt as she bites the inside of her mouth, "Please baby. Please?"

She scratches her head with her fingers before crossing her arms over her chest, "Alright. Talk."

He lets out another breath before pointing toward the cot in the corner and taking a step toward it. She turns toward him, leaning against a small table placed on the opposite side of the bed. Rick plops down, running his hands along his thighs as his mind begins to race, trying to find the words to make it all better. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He tries to speak but it's like all the words he knows have been stripped from his body. Michonne stares at him, waiting, begging. _Don't do this to me, not again._ Then he suddenly hears Lori, _sometimes I wonder if you care about us at all. Talk to me goddamn it! Say something!_

"I feel like we're back at the prison." He chuckles sadly, dropping his eyes back to his jeans.

She eyes him almost suspiciously, squinting her dark orbs as she tries to make the connection he's trying to draw, "How so?"

"You hated me," He laughs again, "You didn't trust me at all."

"I didn't hate you," She says softly, rolling her eyes playfully, "I strongly disliked you and, I happen to remember that you weren't that fond of me either."

He shakes his head slightly, smirking at first. It soon fades and he's back to rubbing his jeans, his eyes cast low, "We're right back there. Right back in that place."

Michonne wants to disagree, but she knows he's right. She can't help but feel that all of the progress they've made, all the trust and security they've built is trickling through her fingers like water, "It's not that bad." She whispers.

"You don't trust me." He responds, "I get it, I get why, still doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

She sighs loudly, sending her eyes toward the ceiling as she searches for the right words, "I'm not trying to hurt you. It's been a hard few weeks, hardest on you. I just…" She lets her words fade,  
"I don't know what to do to bring you back. I don't know what to say." She shrugs, completely defeated.

He nods slowly, digesting her words, "I remember sitting in my squad car with Shane," He starts, letting his eyes roam around the room before landing on her, "Telling him how Lori thought I was the most tight lipped son of a bitch that ever walked the planet. She used to beg me to talk to her and I honestly didn't know what she wanted me to say. I said everything that I needed to." He rubbed his eyebrow as he reminisced, "Funny thing is, I didn't know what to say until after she was gone and I met you." He connects his gaze with hers as the words leave his lips, watching as her lips part slightly, "Then suddenly, I wanted to say everything, I needed to."

He swallows harshly, trying to let his guard down for her fully, "That night, before they pulled you out of the van I was so fucking scared. I knew they had you and all I could think about was getting you back. I didn't care what I'd have to do, how many people I'd have to kill, I was going to get you back. Then, when they pulled you from the van I was," He shrugs, "I couldn't tell you what I felt. I was anxious, I was scared, but I was… relieved? Almost happy because you were in one piece. As that bastard kept waving that bat in everyone's face I just kept praying, I just kept praying to God, please not her. Please not her, anybody but her." His voice drops away as his eyes fill with tears. He tries to blink them away but they spill over, streaking down his cheeks.

Michonne's chin trembles as he pours out his soul to her. She wipes at her eyes as the cloud over, knowing how guilty he must feel. Rick clears his throat, blinking slowly as he stares at her bare legs, "I was so relieved that it wasn't you." He confesses, rubbing his chest with his large hand, "My friend, my brother, the man who saved my life and brought me back to my wife and child, was lying dead in front of me and all I could think was thank you God, thank you for sparing her."

Michonne lets out a sob, covering her mouth with her hands as she stares up at the ceiling, "Oh Rick."

"I can't shake him," Rick continues to mumble, closing his eyes as he shakes his head, "Every time I close my eyes I see him, I see Glenn. He just stares at me. Judging me, hating me." He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to send Glenn away, "I see you, I see Daryl, I see Carl, but I only dream of you. It's the same dream, every night. You're lying in this bed with white sheets wrapped all around you." He smiles softly, his eyes still closed, "You're beautifully naked and you're looking up at me like I hung the moon and stars just for you. Your smile is so big and bright. You let me touch you all over. You just let me run my hands up and down your body and you love every second of it. You're moaning and smiling and giggling, all for me."

Rick opens his eyes slowly, the pretty picture he just painted fading away. His eyes zero in on the carpet, that glossy, dazed look she knows all too well claims his eyes as his mouth drops open before he speaks, "And then I blink. For just a second, I lose sight of you and when I open my eyes again, the white sheets are now stained with blood. You're not smiling at me anymore," Emotion overtakes him as he sobs outwardly and unapologetically in front of her, his final wall breaking down, "You're covered in blood. Your head is spilt wide open and you just stare up at me. Your cold, dead eyes just pierce into me the same way Glenn's do. I shake you, I scream, I cry, I beg, I pray, but no matter how hard I try, every night I lose you in my dreams."

She moves to him, wrapping her arms around his head and pulls him into her stomach. She kisses the top of his head over and over and over again as he holds on to her, "Then the dream started creeping into the day time," He says, "I could barely look at you sometimes because I couldn't see you, all I would see was my dream. That's what happened in the kitchen. I wanted you so bad, I wanted to make you feel so good. I knew you needed me but when I looked down at you," He trails off again, tightening his grip around her waist, "The blood was back, your dead stare was back and I couldn't. I couldn't. I'm sorry baby, I am so sorry."

"Don't," She answers, stroking his hair as she sniffles, "It's okay."

"It's not okay." He pulls away from her, standing quickly and cupping her face, staring into her eyes with his watery ones, "It is not okay. You needed me."

"Rick-"

"I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. You needed me and I wasn't there. I need to be here. I want to be here Michonne." She drops her head but he pulls it back up, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. He lowers his forehead to hers, rubbing his nose against hers softly, "I see you." He whispers, kissing her cheek softly, answering an unspoken question.

Her eyes widen as she stares up at him. _I see you._ Her eyes bounce wildly between his, her breath just as labored as his as they stand with each other in their arms. He drops his eyes to her lips quickly, then lets his gaze linger on them as he licks his own. She stands up on her tip toes, throwing her arms over his shoulders as she envelopes him into a deep, slow, passionate kiss. She breathes in deeply as her body is warmed by his. He sucks on her bottom lip, running his tongue along the sensitive flesh as she shivers beneath his hands. They break with a smack, both out of breath as their eyes dance with a greedy desire. He captures her lips again, this time hungrily as he coaxes her mouth open, allowing him access into her. She moans deeply as he pulls her body into his, their hips rubbing against each other's as he devours her like a starving animal.

He picks her up suddenly, wrapping her legs around his waist as he cups her full behind. He pushes her up against the wall, grunting loudly into her as passion erupts within him. She lets out a labored breath as he nips as her skin, working his way down her chin and neck in a hurry, leaving a sloppy trail of wetness from his mouth. He sets her down, pushing his body into hers as his fingers rip at the denim shirt that covers her in a frenzied panic. He needs to feel her skin. He works the shirt to the floor and drops to his knees, grabbing her hips in his large hands. He peaks up at her through his dark eye lashes as he flattens his lips to her taut stomach, breathing heavily. His warm breath crashes against her cool skin, causing goosebumps to jump out on her smooth skin. He kisses along the rim of her panties, licking at her navel as his hands travel up to her exposed breasts, cupping and squeezing them gently.

Michonne drops her head, digging her fingers into his hair as he moves down lower, rubbing his nose along her sex. She bucks her hips into his face as she licks her lips, her eyes fluttering shut as she groans at the friction. Rick pulls at her underwear, sliding them down her legs and letting them pool at her feet. He licks his lips again in anticipation as he eyes her sexuality, her folds glistening from her wetness. He kisses her softly and her body jerks from the coolness of his mouth against her heat. She spreads her legs instinctively and he takes the hint, flattening his tongue against her and licking the length of her silky folds. She throws a leg over his shoulder as he bares down on her, his head bobbing with her hips as he pleasures her with his skilled tongue.

She rolls her hips against him as she slams her head back into the wall, her moans filling the otherwise quiet room. He fills her with a thick finger and then a second one, curling his fingers against her spot as he works her over. He pumps them in and out, in and out, in and out as his tongue swirls along her clit, lapping up her juices as they flow freely. He pulls away from her briefly, replacing his tongue with his thumb as he rubs gentle circles against her, sending her crawling up the wall. Expletives fall from her pretty mouth as her orgasm begins to build slowly, a dull ache in the pit of her stomach. He returns his tongue to her as his fingers begin to speed up, pumping and curling inside of her to try and detonate the ticking time bomb.

She cries out loudly as her legs begin to shiver and wobble. She can barely hold herself up, giving in to the pain in her leg and slipping down the wall slightly. Her hips thrash against him as he tries to hold her up with his free hand; his fingers digging into her hip and thigh so hard they'll leave bruises in their wake. Her release makes a break for the border, rushing through her veins like ecstasy as she finally shatters around his fingers and tongue. She pulls his hair harshly as she grinds her lower half against his mouth and nose, riding the waves of her orgasm. His name falls from her lips over and over, her head swimming as her orgasm begins to calm and fade.

Rick continues to lap at her, moaning into her warm skin once more. He pulls away from her body, picking her up before she falls to the floor from sheer weakness. She rests her head on his shoulder as he carries her to the bed, lying her down gently as he quickly disrobes. He lowers his body in between hers, placing his hands on either side of her face as he leans in to kiss her once more. It's less desperate this time, Rick just wanting to savor the taste of her mouth, almost as if he has to memorize it. She welcomes his tongue again, closing her eyes as this man, her man, loves her gently. She feels his hardness against her thigh and she opens her body to him once more, pulling her legs up around his sides.

He pushes himself right up against her opening, pausing for just a second before he plunges into her depths. She gasps at the fullness, feeling so vacant for so long she almost forgot what it felt like to be so _full_. He doesn't move right away. He lowers his lips to hers softly, slowly, closing his eyes as warmth spreads through his veins. Her legs inch up along his sides as he runs his hand along one of them, feeling every inch of her perfect skin. He moans into her mouth as her fingers skirt up his back and stop at his shoulders. She flattens her palms on his skin, letting out a light breath, loving his weight on top of her.

He pulls his hips back, withdrawing from her almost completely before he sinks into her slowly again. He rolls his hips seductively before plunging into her again. He rests his chin on hers as he moves, stealing hungry kisses, cutting off her passionate moans. Her body quivers as he starts to pick up his pace, still being warm and tingly from her first orgasm. He pulls her up suddenly, pulling them into a sitting position. He kisses her deeply, hugging her to his chest as tightly as he can. He lets his lips roam, dragging them along her chin and neck, nipping at her hot skin. He bites down on the hollow between her neck and shoulder, causing a deep grunt to escape her. She cups his face in her hands, lowering her forehead to his as she kisses his nose and cheeks. Their hips move in unison, slowly grinding against each other as their eyes connect once more.

She slams her orbs quickly as she lets out another feminine moan. His slow pulse beginning to create a dull pressure. She forces her eyes back open, not wanting to lose sight of him again. He's here, he's here with her, finally, and he's not going anywhere. No, not this time. She digs her hands into his hair and pulls, pulling his head back slightly as he continues pushing into her. His hips are growing more and more desperate as the moments pass. His pace quickening instinctively as he feels her body tighten around him. He lowers his head to her shoulder and bites down again, just wanting to hear her shriek. She pulls on his hair again, feeling the rush begin to invade her senses once more. It won't be long now; they both know it. He keeps pushing, keeps pounding, keeps thrusting, pushing her higher and higher into the clouds.

She stiffens as his last thrust detonates her internal bomb. She screams out as the tides of her orgasm wash through her, each one more and more powerful than the last. Rick keeps his hips moving as he coaxes her release out of her shivering body. He follows her lead moments later, spilling his hot seed into her welcoming body. She nearly collapses in his arms, resting her chin on his shoulder as her body jerks intermediately as the final sparks of her release work through her. Their breath is ragged and loud as they come down from their highs. Rick hugs her still, running his hand up and down the length of her toned back, not wanting to let her go. She hums softly, a lazy smile spreading across her face as she feels her whole body relax and melt into his.

He lays back, holding her tightly as he rearranges them once more. She kisses his chest before flattening her palm over his heart, thumping her fingers against him to the beat. He rests his large hand on her behind, staring at the ceiling as a new calm takes him over. He closes his eyes and within moments is back in his dream. She's wrapped around him like a vine, her giggles fill the air as she smiles up at him from the white cotton sheets.

"Rick," She coos happily, tilting her head to the side as she bites her lip, "I love you."

He runs his fingers along her breasts, unable to stop the smile that breaks his face in two. She radiates like the sun beneath him, cascading her light over him and he thrives. He thrives like a plant that hasn't had any sunlight, any water, any care in years. He blinks suddenly. His breath hitches in his throat as his world goes dark. No, no, no! Not now! Not now! God, he needed this, he wanted this so bad! So fucking bad. His eyes flutter open as he holds in a breath, not knowing if he can go through this all over again. Losing her. He opens his eyes fully. The sheets are still white. Her smile is still there. Her eyes are still warm and dancing, basking in content and happiness.

She cocks her head to the side as she brings her hands up to his face, smiling wider as she wonders what's going through that head of his, "Where did you go just now?"

He lets out a deep breath, shaking his head a little, "What do you mean?" He asks softly.

"You left me just now. Where did you go?" She taps his temple with one of her long, thin digits, still smiling.

He smirks, opening his mouth but closing it quickly. He leans in, kissing her plump, soft lips, groaning loudly as she welcomes his advance, "Don't worry about it." He whispers after a pulling slightly away from her. He lowers his head to her chest as she wraps her arms around him, enveloping him with her warmth, "I love you."

She giggles, kissing the top of his head, "I love you too my boy." She whispers happily.

Rick's eyes snap open as sunlight protrudes into the room. He glances at the clock on the opposite side of the room. Eight am. It feels like he literally just closed his eyes. He looks down on Michonne as she shifts in his arms, letting out a breath as she tightens her grip on him, never opening her eyes. Rick enjoys her weight on him for a few minutes more before slinking out from under her, rising to his feet. He stretches before approaching the window, using his fingers to peak in between the blinds. He spots Carl in the yard, throwing a football with a few of the boys they met last night. Carl smiles widely before bursting into laughter, giving a high five to one of them. The scene brings a smile to Rick's face.

The stars are aligning again. They are well on their way to making everything right again. They just have one pesky little problem to deal with. It won't happen overnight, it won't be easy, but the faith and optimism has returned to Rick's heart. Daryl is still out there and he's going to bring him home. He is going to bring his brother home. Maggie is going to have that baby and Rick is going to protect them. Alexandria will reclaim its throne and he will have Negan's head on a stick. He turns from the window, grabbing his shirt from the floor and sitting back on the bed as he starts to change.

Michonne shifts behind him, cracking her eyes open for the first time, "What's wrong?" She sits up in a panic, rubbing her eyes.

He turns toward her, reaching out to rest his hand on her wrist to calm her, "It's alright. I'm just going to talk to Ezekiel."

"You want me to come?"

"If you want." He shrugs, smiling a little, "But, I got it. You can sleep in." His smile grows a bit, knowing full and damn well she's not going to do the latter.

She swings her feet over her side of the bed, grabbing her bag and rummaging through it before standing to clasp her bra. She can't help but smile as they ready for the day. The smile drops a little as her mind begins to toy with her. What if this doesn't last? What if he disappears again? Just as she's about to turn toward him, his long fingers creep up along her shoulders. He massages her skin and muscles gently before placing a few kisses along her temple and cheek. She smiles again.

He's back.


End file.
